Alien Brain Disorder: Health

Health

Quarantine

The past two years of my life have been difficult, to say the least. First, I was laid off from a job I truly loved. Then, I had a slew of medical issues that came up at the worst time possible. For a year, I tried to care for myself in the best ways I knew how. I went to physical therapy, I went to specialist after specialist to try and figure out the puzzle that is my body, I went to a psychologist and psychiatrist, and started working on my cPTSD. I thought I was starting to get things under control. This is hilarious because that's right when Quarantine hit. Literally, right as I was hoping to rejoin society, society said, "No, thanks though."

For the last year, I have felt more lost than I ever have in my life. I am 29 and feel like a directionless loser. All the things that used to be dreams to me have been systematically crushed over the years. Things like wanting to be a comedian and an FBI profiler. Years of dedication only to be turned away for things out of my control. This past year has been nothing BUT out of my control. This is something I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to. Feeling out of control is terrible, it's one of my least favorite feelings and I have never had to deal with more of it.

During quarantine time has never gone slower or faster simutaneously. I feel like I'm losing so much of my life and I'm going to wake up in my thirties with nothing to show for it. I have things on the horizon, hopes and maybe even a potential dream or two but for now it's hard to not feel like a loser.

Confidence

When I was thirteen and took this school photo for eighth grade, I thought I looked BANGIN'. I thought my style was bangin', my hair was bangin', my jewelry was bangin'... I thought I was hot shit. I mean... c'mon guys, I look like the eighties threw up on me, and this was 2004. I don't know why certain periods of my life, I have a sudden burst of confidence and feel like the most amazing goddess that ever existed, and then for MOST periods of my life, I feel like a dumpster fire full of mangey raccoons.

What's probably the weirdest thing that I do is I feel envious of how pretty I was as a child. Trust me, I know how insane and dumb that is. But why did six-year-old me get the perfect hair and BMI?

Some things that I have learned and am STILL learning to put into practice to build up my own confidence naturally are:

1. Fill your social media feeds with women who you think are beautiful who have a similar body type to yours. Don't have it full of (as wonderful and beautiful as they are) women with body types you strive for but physically can't obtain. Also, fill it with happy, wonderful things like puppies.

2. FUCKING EAT. Stop starving yourself. Stop dieting. Stop it. I was trying so hard for so long, and I saw on the internet somewhere the quote "We don't live to lose weight and pay bills," and that made me really rethink how much of my time I was spending on dieting.

3. This one is obvious, but speak kindly to yourself. Don't say mean things about yourself. You are beautiful and amazing. Yell louder than the negative voices in your head.

4. Self-care!! It can be as easy as a face mask, an elongated hot shower, a nap... TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You deserve it.

I am sure there is more to be added to the list, but these four seem really important to me. They have already started helping me. I think there are too many women who are sick of spending so much energy hating ourselves.

Comfort Eating

Right now, I am in the middle of a long and drawn-out depressive episode. It hasn't been easy, to say the VERY fucking least, because it's been coupled with a massive spike in my chronic panic over the summer. Both of those things combined has lead to some unhealthy habits in the past few months.

I also have a REALLY bad problem with binge eating. When I am feeling low, I can put away an insane amount of calories in a day. It will feel like my body goes numb, and I can't even tell if I am hungry or full anymore. I just want the happiness the food brings.

This is a serious problem. This has led to COMFORT EATING like WAY TOO MUCH. I have been trying to address this, like on the weekdays I try really hard to cook every night and only eat sweets that are low in calories, like fruit, but in my mind I am always thinking about wanting to binge eat candy. I hate it. Sometimes the thoughts and cravings can be overwhelming, and going back and forth on whether I should or shouldn't can waste so much of my time and energy.

I have a method I try really hard to follow when I start to have obsessive thinking. I try to completely distract my mind by asking it questions like

"What are 5 different things you hear?"

"What are 5 different things you feel physically?"

"What are 5 different things you can smell?"

etc.

Sometimes it really feels like everything can be too overwhelming to deal with. I wish I really didn't have to deal with it. I would give anything to snap my fingers and have these issues disappear. But that is never going to happen, and at least I am doing the best I can.

Bullet Journaling is a Cult

I have an insanely bad memory. Just horrible. The kind of bad where if I don't write down every single thing, it will instantly fall out of my head and fly into the cosmos, never to be seen again. This is mostly due to the fact that I am on a lot of medication that affects certain important things like MY BRAIN and my mom did drop my baby head on concrete in the rain once... Anyway, I needed to find a solution and fast because writing things in my phone was not a great option, as I was even forgetting to do that.

I honestly couldn't tell you where I first heard of Bullet Journaling (you know, my whole bad memory thing). It could have been Pinterest, Facebook, or a coworker in passing... all probable candidates. Wherever it had come from, it felt like the perfect fit for me. I love journals, doodling, making lists, pens/markers... seriously, I was in heaven. So, I did what I normally do when I find a new hobby.

I BOUGHT ALL THE THINGS

My collection of notebooks, markers, and stencils boomed almost overnight. I also joined Facebook communities, learned which pens write best, which journals had the best paper... etc. When I go for something, I truly don't fuck around. I take a lot of pride in things that I do. I am also really hard on myself and need to be constantly perfect. Whichever one you want to go with.

Usually, for me, these love affairs don't last too long. I don't have a very long attention span, to my great annoyance. I started Bullet Journaling back in March, and six months later, I am still doing it and am even more stoked about it than before. Six months might not seem that long to some, but for me, I usually get distracted after about a month or two. Personally, Bullet Journaling is more than just a "planner". It's being accountable to yourself. It's a way to stimulate your creativity when life is so crazy busy. It's a way to motivate yourself to do things you normally don't even get around to. It's organization in chaos.

Another thing that I find my BuJo to be excellent for is tracking my physical and mental health. I track my levels of pain every day and my moods alongside other daily things I do so I can see what could attribute to bad days. I can write down important things to tell my doctors that I normally forget about. One of my favorite things is that I make whole-page "spreads" about how to deal with obsessive thinking or how to do self-care. I definitely will have to make a post soon about all my mental health spreads.

Now, I don't want to sound like a salesman because it isn't even like Bullet Journaling is a product for sale. BUT, if you are struggling to keep up with things and any of this sounds appealing to you, I would highly suggest doing some research on Pinterest and Instagram. It is the most helpful tool in at-home health care. And pretty much everything else.

September Weekly

Blog Planning Calendar

September Pain Tracker

September Look Ahead

Cover Page for September

Mood, Sleep, Exercise, & Step Tracker for September

I Don't Like Myself Today

Today, I do not like myself. Some days it's just like that. I'm annoyed at how lazy I have been this week, how much I have procrastinated. I am upset that I haven't kept up with routines that I KNOW make me feel better, but I have given up for more sleep or for more time to just sit and do nothing. I am irritated that I am not doing what I want to do.

I control myself, and I don't like myself for allowing myself to just pretend like that's not the case. Or just choose the bad options. The options that lead to poor choices.

I know I am unreasonably hard on myself. Sometimes it's really okay to just have a lazy period, but I don't feel good about it right now.

Today, I do not like myself.

I don't like the slightly dirty, itchy feeling of my skin because I missed the gym this morning and therefore didn't shower after the gym. I don't like the creeping headache I have from just not taking care of my body right. Nothing feels good today.

I know tomorrow is a new day. I can restart and do everything better tomorrow. I know this feeling is temporary. Tomorrow I can like myself. I can even be thrilled with myself. This is just a bad mood. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I am doing the best I can.

Who Am I?

Is it okay to be 26 and still have existential crises? Because I feel like I've been having them forever, and I am not sure they are going to come to a stop anytime soon. I think I should have figured this out by now. Maybe I already DO know, but I am just doing my thing where I think I suck, but everyone else thinks differently. Am I being TOO relatable right now? Ha.
I just look at myself as a whole and feel like I am a bunch of floating pieces instead of a whole person. Like, I don't have a strong identity. I am made up of a ton of different identities smooshed into one. I am a creative who works in a very code-heavy job that is obsessed with skin care and makeup but rarely wears makeup, and I have a big, loving heart but openly despises the world... what is this mess? WHO AM I?
I am contradictory.
I am in love with milkshakes and binge eating candy, but obsessed with counting calories.
I am spontaneous and wild, but I plan like an INSANE woman.
I wish I could be moving and productive 24/7, and FREAK if I am not, but want to lie on the couch for hours (and sometimes do).
I want to dress cute and sometimes try, but wear my mom's old sweater from the 90's more days than I like to admit.
Maybe this is normal. Maybe you are thinking, "Get your shit together, you dumb lady."

I don't think it's strange to not know and to be constantly challenging yourself to figure it out. Stagnant people are boring. I would rather be still freaking out and trying to become something better at 80 than sit in my dusty ol' chair thinking about dying. That's boring, and I am bored just thinking about it. Put on my gravestone, "WHO AM I?"

I am happy, though right now. I like my job. I like my life. I like my dogs. (You heard right, I got another dog) I like things. Weird.

Chronic Pain

For the last few years my pain has gone from manageable to something that is a daily struggle.

It started when I was sixteen. One day at Disneyland, I started having so much abdominal pain that it was difficult to walk. I went to the doctors, and after some tests, it was determined that I had ovarian cysts and needed to take hormonal birth control to keep them at bay. Not too big of a deal. The pills made the cysts dissolve, and the pain went away.

A few years later, I started having insane uterine contractions that would leave me unable to move. My doctor was stumped and just threw a bottle of Vicodin at me and sent me home. The contractions continued, and I just became Vicodin dependent, which my doctor wouldn't refill, so I was just stuck with the pain.

A short while later, my doctor diagnosed me with hip bursitis. My tendons were inflamed because I am pigeon-toed and my bones pull my tendons "wrong."

Then, during my struggle to find medication that worked for my bipolar disorder, I was put on a medication that gave me an incurable bladder disease, Interstitial Cystitis. This comes with the need to constantly urinate as well as urinary tract pain that flares up unexpectedly. I can't even have periods anymore because with this, they are unbelievably painful.

Just to finish off this shit cake, I got in a very bad car accident that left my neck messed the hell up.

So... I hurt. A LOT. Like... all the time. Sitting in a desk chair for 9 hours a day is not awesome. Today I am typing this all out because I am having my first period in 3 years in preparation for my IUD to get inserted on Friday. Because of my situation, I can't just take today off and lie in bed in pain. I have to go into the office and sit here. Every day I'm in pain, I have to. It never stops and it never will.

I would give anything to be able to work for myself, to be able to be in control of my own health, to be able to take care of myself like I want to. Until then, I am hunched over in this chair, staring at this screen, just trying to take my mind off the pain.

Selfless VS. Selfish

With my wedding just around the corner, a new job having started, my great grandma dying yesterday, and just a million small things to stress about I am just stressed. What's new. I am always stressed unless I am doing everything perfect and I am organized and blah blah blah. No matter how well I am doing, I am never doing well enough. This is such a repetitive thing on this blog I can imagine you are all sick of hearing about it but this is my obsession.
I need to be the best fiance/ future wife.
I need to be the best supporter.
I need to be the best employee.
I need to be the best kickboxer.
ETC.
When I'm not, I hate myself.

I pride myself on being a selfless, independent person. If I ever say anything selfish or act selfish I feel horrible. Like, I hate buying things for myself even when I need to. I feel happy and I feel gross. I feel them simultaneously. I know I need to do things for me and take care of me, but everything ELSE isn't perfect yet. Maybe I am just MASSIVELY delusional.

Who knows.

I have plenty, plenty to be happy about right now. I really need to just let go and do my thing to make me happy. Fucking neurotic me ruining my own shit.

I'll list happy things so I can remind myself and also so I just don't seem like a whiny turd.

1. Almost all the wedding stuff is taken care of
2. Muay Thai feels great and I'm so happy I am doing it
3. My new job is SO NICE TO ME and that feels amazing
4. My apartment is really awesome and I continue to make it even awesomer
5. My fiance and I have continued to keep up with our podcast and it makes me so happy
6. I am on the right track
7. I wrote today for the first time in awhile and drew! I should keep doing that.
8. I've had some great happy moments even though I've had stressful and sad moments.
9. I've had some really amazing conversations with one of my besties lately and that has made me feel good <3

Always find the positive, even in the swamp of shit.

Turning

Shit is real y'all.

I think my wheel is finally turning.

I have just accepted a way better job literally a DAY after being laid off. I am basically getting a two week vacation because of it. I am sticking to my guns in keeping my toxic family out of my business. Wedding planning is going great. Muay Thai is going great. My fiance's and my podcast is going great. I am feeling positive about the future and positive about the PRESENT.

I still feel like it isn't ENOUGH. Not like that I'm not getting enough good things, I'm not being greedy here, I am BEYOND grateful for what I am getting. I just feel like I am not doing enough. I am never enough. But this is something I need to work on for myself because everyone around me always says that I am beyond doing enough. I just always feel like I have the be the best for myself and for my loved ones. Be perfect. Make everyone so proud their heads explode. I don't know. Maybe this makes no sense. Maybe this is incredibly relatable.

I just am so happy that things are turning around.

Muay Thai, Podcasting, and Eating Lunch

I'm sorry it's been a month since I wrote here but I have honestly been either so busy I want to fall over or I have been so depressed I want to fall over. I want to try and keep up with everything. While discussing my plans with my friend last night she said "How do you have time for anything?" and I laughed. BECAUSE I DON'T. And I still get frustrated that I can't do more. I wish I didn't need as much sleep as I do so I could stay up later to do MORE things.

This month I started a Science Fiction podcast with my fiance because we both love Sci-fi and podcasts. I made up our website, coded things, submitted us everywhere, we have been recording, researching, releasing, promoting, and I am so in love with it! These are the kinds of things I wish could just be my work full-time. If you have any interest in this please check us out! www.scifidoublefeaturedrivein.com

Also this month, I have started training in Muay Thai. I am going full force with it, starting at 4 days a week, if not more. I am also so in love with this! My therapist said I needed stress relief and I found it. I also have always wanted to get into a physical, competitive sport and I'm glad I found this. Every day I am sore but I feel great. The gym I go to is supportive and full of great people. I can't wait to become better and to one day fight in the ring!

To continue improving my health I am now eating 3 meals a day (holy shit, right?) I have always been busy and with my social anxiety, I hate eating at work in front of people so I just.... wouldn't. But now I am forcing myself to. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. Everyday. Full of fruit, vegetables, proteins, and all good stuff.

My therapist said I should write when I am feeling good so when I get depressed, I can read back and feel better. This blog is definitely that place for me. I have already written so many positive things here and I need to keep at it! Even if it adds to my schedule that grows longer and longer every day.
But a busy mind for me is a happy mind, as I am sure a lot of you can relate!

My Dreams

I have been pretty much on my own since I turned eighteen. Bouncing from apartment to apartment, job to job, to try and make ends meet. I never had the money or means to go to college beyond a few community college classes, and honestly, between working full-time and all my mental health issues, I really didn't have the time or energy anyway. I have had my struggles and I have worked really hard to get where I am in my field to be able to support myself. I make decent money and live.
I was talking to my therapist this week and she asked me about my dreams. I told her "I don't have the luxury of dreams."

This doesn't mean I don't have them. What I meant is I don't have the luxury of even entertaining the idea that any of them are a reality. I have no support to quit my job and pursue them, I have no time in my busy life to truly work on them (I barely have time to write here), I can't go to school, I just... can't. I am very hopeful. I try to do the things I love in my limited spare time, but most of the time they fall to the wayside. Most people just say I am not trying hard enough. I could if I wanted to. This makes me roll my eyes. Sure, tell me I can go back to college if I just saved enough when I live paycheck to paycheck to just keep the nice little life that keeps me together every day. Sure, tell me I can just make time if I was dedicated enough. You have no idea what it's like to be so emotionally exhausted at the end of the day that you literally fall asleep at 9:30 PM no matter what you're doing. I don't know if you know what it's like to cry every night and morning because you are so depressed that your life is not what you want it to be. That you will just have to work a job you have no love for till you die. And this is your life. And you do dream, you dream of wonderful, beautiful things but you know that you are trapped.

I know that there are others who have sacrificed. I know my situation isn't special. I know this pain is felt by plenty who sacrificed happiness for survival. To you, I feel your pain. I feel your sorrow. I wish we could all be happy because we only get this one life and the fact that we have to live it so trapped in misery is a crime. So tied to survival.

I hope one day I can find a way. I hope we all can.

Until then, I try to find the small ways to make this better. It's hard, the depression and anxiety is literally physically painful most days. Hours shouldn't be counted down but savored. Dreams shouldn't be a luxury.

Faking It: Mixtape

I've been struggling with some pretty severe depressive episodes lately. I really just wanna give up on everything. From what I talked about in my last entry, all those bad things feel like they are just getting too heavy to carry. Most days I just want to lay in my bed and cry. Unfortunately (or I suppose, fortunately?) I can't do that because I have to function like a person or my whole life would fall apart.

Something that comes with my depressive episodes is an extreme disassociation from myself. I feel like my life and myself aren't real. It's as if I am a stranger in my own mind. It's incredibly frustrating to go through because I have no control over it and never know when I will feel like myself again. It just comes and goes as it pleases, making me even more depressed because I feel like I have no control over my own mind.

I never let anyone outside know this is going on though, except maybe my fiance and my best friend. So today I have for you all my depressive episode mixtape for when I'm "Faking It"

I wish I had more to say.

I'm going through some rough stuff right now.

The Wheel

I feel very guilty. I have been neglecting a lot of things lately that I want to be doing like writing here on this blog, keeping up with my weekly organization of myself, getting back in reading/writing/practicing music/cooking better food/exercising... there's a lot. I have just been paralyzed by stress and depression. I have to literally drag myself through the day and convince myself to do the simplest things like shower or get up in the morning. It seems like everywhere I turn there is only bad things around the corner. I know deep down that I am allowing myself to be overwhelmed with the bad things and there are still good things in my life that I am ignoring but when depression hits it is easy to just say "Fuck this, life is bad right now."
Every day I just sit in chronic pain at my desk, my head swimming with all the stresses of the day and just beg the universe "Please, just give me something good."
Back in middle school I was really obsessed with Mythology. I thought the concepts and stories were so interesting. There was this one idea that our lives are like a wheel. When we are at the top all these good things are happening to us but then it will spin and we will be at the bottom where everything bad happens. But don't worry, the wheel will continue to turn and you will be at the top again.

I try not to get these ideas so solidly in my head because I believe that when we subscribe to something it's like a self fulfilling prophecy. Of course, if you believe that once something negative happens you are in for all the negative things, then you are just surrounding yourself with negative energy and that just brings the negative things upon you. At least that's what I believe. I understand if you think that's utter bullshit and what is going to happen is what happens.
But I am a massively paranoid person.
I feel like I am at the bottom of my wheel right now. I just need to get back to the top.

The Cool Girl

My whole life there has been two of me. There has been the person that truly exists and lives. The one that is real. Then there is "the cool girl". She lives in my mind. She is everything that I wish I was but I have never been. She is skinnier than me, more creative than me, more talented, more organized, more motivated... more EVERYTHING.

Since I have developed insecurities, she has existed to break through them. I could always close my eyes and just see her, always so close to reality. Just 15 pounds away, just pushing myself a little further towards a goal. Always so close to my cool self. My perfect self. I wanted to be her so bad. I still do.
It's an obsession that I feel I constantly stand in the way of. I have confessed this to my fiance during our late night talks when we are lying in bed in the dark. He says I'm already cool. That all my goals are attainable. I still want to be her.
She doesn't take pictures with back fat.
She doesn't have weird adult acne.
She has cool clothes and hair that looks way better than mine.
She has the willpower in the morning to do her hair and put on makeup.
High heels don't hurt HER feet.
She practices her cello everyday.
She pushes herself to use her yoga mat.
She eats healthy delicious food.
She doesn't cry all the time.
She has way more fun.

God damn her.

Why.
Can't
I.
Be.
Her.

Pickles

The best decision I have ever made (besides my fiance) was the day I decided to get my dog, Pickles. The second I locked eyes with her, I just knew that she was my dog and I somehow knew her name was Pickles. I didn't think about anything when I got her. I had my friend sit with her while I ran to the bank to cash my tax refund check so that no one else could take her. From that second, Pickles and I would never be apart.
When she first came home she fit in both my hands. She would squish herself in between pillows to fall asleep. I had never in my life before that ever been more in love with a living thing.

Pickles has shown me love when I had none. She has gotten me through the toughest times in my life. She has always been by my side. I can't imagine how I would have navigated the last six years without her. The love from a dog is one that cannot be replaced or described. She has a brilliant personality, she makes me laugh, she comforts me when I cry, and she is way too fucking smart for her own good. I will never be able to repay the countless heartbroken nights where I shed too many tears or the nights I felt so alone that she was there for me.

One day I hope to have many more pups to share my love with but Pickles will always have my heart.

Manic Expression: Mixtape

If there is one thing I am like, REALLY super good at, it's having a massive garbage melt down with zero warning that usually results in hysterical screaming. And crying. And being really, REALLY furiously angry. I'm INSANELY good at that. I didn't know until I was diagnosed that these are manic episodes; at the time I thought I was just a really excellent crazy bitch. (I am joking about this but seriously, it ruined my life for years)
When I am amped up on the mania juice there really isn't much in the way of calming me down besides just riding out the wave. I can isolate myself, take anti-anxiety meds, cry it out, punch a wall repeatedly, punch my leg repeatedly, but usually the healthiest way to go about it is scream it out to some good music. There has been quite a few days I have done this in the car ride home after a particularly rough day. Releasing all the horrible, pent up rage of the day out the window of my car and into the smog ridden, Los Angeles atmosphere. Crying it out feels pretty good too but we have already chatted about the crying.
I put together a playlist (mix-tape if it was my choice but you can't very well put one of those onto the internet) of amazing songs to raise your voice to and play as loud as you can. Ignore the cars around you because when the hell are you gonna see them again anyway? Just yell. Scream. Don't try and sound pretty. Make ugly faces at the road. Fuck everyone else for awhile and just rage.

Relax

How on earth is it possible to relax when you are a person that lives with constant anxiety? When every day you are always obsessively thinking about what you aren't doing right, what you should be doing instead of what you are currently doing; and what the next day, week, month, year... etc. will bring?

If you are me, you really don't. I really don't feel like I ever truly relax the way a human being should.
I am always trying, don't get me wrong. Regularly attempting to rest after a long day or shut my brain off during the weekend. Unfortunately, my brain runs about a million miles per hour and the best chance I have had to give my constantly pounding heart a break has been to pop a Benzo.
I know the same things don't work for everyone. I also know it can be very irritating when people suggest so. "Oh, just take some deep breaths. Just meditate. Relaxation exercise. Blah blah blah." Those just don't work for me. I am just TOO anxious. I am thinking TOO much. I have some things that do work though and I am happy to share them with you. I am by no means telling you that these are the things to live by because what works for you, works for YOU but I am so glad that someone I trusted told me about these.
The first one is tapping. I do not know everything about tapping. Please, investigate on your own if this interests you.

How I do this for myself though is I tap one of the points suggested (I like the "karate chop" point with three fingers), I close my eyes to shut out visual shit from distracting me, repeat a mantra to myself like "I may be very anxious right now but I am going to be okay", and to even engage my brain further I mouth it to myself. My best friend it still teaching me about this but this helps me SO much. You can tap on any feeling, just change the mantra.
Another way I relax is since I can't deep breathe just by myself, I find a visual aid. My Fitbit charge has a relax setting that has one. The circle expands and contracts with when I'm supposed to breathe. It also really helps that it vibrates with it too.
Anything to completely distract me really so I can't do that awful thinking thing.
I hope these helped you. If I find anymore techniques that help me, I will definitely share them. If you have any great ones, feel free to share them back!

One Winter: Mixtape

The book 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' was the sanctuary where I tucked all the bits and pieces of my pain and rejection into in late high school. Every time I felt out of place, weird, unwanted, heartbroken... I would read Charlie's words. I felt his pain. His disassociation. His loneliness when surrounded by friends. What the world around me didn't know, was I felt his sexual assault.

And then, one day, I felt his suicide attempt.

In my recovery after I got out of the ward, I became obsessed with my mom's cassette tapes. I loved just how personal they felt. The memories laced inside. The incredible effort just to record your favorite songs onto one. So, I started making my own mix-tapes. In the book, Charlie loves cassettes as well and receives one that is particularly special to him. He gives them too. I saw these as yet another connection to a character from this nonexistent world that brought me such comfort.

To honor him and what the story meant to me, I made a mix-tape for the book. I tried to make it as true to all it's forms. I even took a nod or two from the movie. (I cried so hard during the movie at certain points people must have thought something was wrong with me)

If you haven't read the book, maybe it'll remind you of being some weird kid in the early 90's going through some old records and including your own shit while sitting on the floor of your garage. Maybe you can't relate at all, but that's okay. These songs are still full with feelings and beautiful ideas. And really, buy the book and take a trip back to high school. There is a good chance it will heal some old wounds that you didn't even know there were band-aids for.

Causes I Care About