Turning thirty has been so surreal. It doesn’t feel like it’s actually happening, like I’m watching time fly past me, but I can’t even appreciate it or experience it fully. And it. Just. Keeps. Going. I’m going to turn thirty-two in a few months, and I feel like I can’t keep up. A lot of really great things have happened since I turned thirty, and also some pretty crappy things. Hard lessons and traumatic events seem to follow you no matter the age.
Which is very disappointing.
The past two years of my life have been difficult, to say the least. First, I was laid off from a job I truly loved. Then, I had a slew of medical issues that came up at the worst time possible. For a year, I tried to care for myself in the best ways I knew how. I went to physical therapy, I went to specialist after specialist to try and figure out the puzzle that is my body, I went to a psychologist and psychiatrist, and started working on my cPTSD. I thought I was starting to get things under control. This is hilarious because that's right when Quarantine hit. Literally, right as I was hoping to rejoin society, society said, "No, thanks though."
For the last year, I have felt more lost than I ever have in my life. I am 29 and feel like a directionless loser. All the things that used to be dreams to me have been systematically crushed over the years. Things like wanting to be a comedian and an FBI profiler. Years of dedication only to be turned away for things out of my control. This past year has been nothing BUT out of my control. This is something I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to. Feeling out of control is terrible, it's one of my least favorite feelings and I have never had to deal with more of it.
During quarantine time has never gone slower or faster simutaneously. I feel like I'm losing so much of my life and I'm going to wake up in my thirties with nothing to show for it. I have things on the horizon, hopes and maybe even a potential dream or two but for now it's hard to not feel like a loser.
In April, we did something that we have been dying to do since we moved to Washington. We got chickens! On April first, we picked up our chicks, and over the last couple of months, it has been amazing to watch them grow into full-fledged hens. Their names are Ripley and Scully because we love ourselves some strong female sci-fi characters. I really couldn't imagine our life without them now. They bring so much joy to our house, even though they WON'T LAY ANY EGGS YET. Lazy chickens. One thing that has been a challenge for sure is acclimating our Husky to the situation. She reaaaaally wants to chase them, and I reaaaally don't want her to. But she gets better about interacting with them all the time. She is almost defensive of them now. It's pretty cute.
Please enjoy the following photos of our babies growing up!
I know it's been a while since I posted. About 2 years.
But I'm back.
In 2 years, a lot has happened, and I may make individual posts about certain events or medical diagnoses/procedures I may have had, but for now, let's just say...
I'm back!
