The past two years of my life have been difficult, to say the least. First, I was laid off from a job I truly loved. Then, I had a slew of medical issues that came up at the worst time possible. For a year I tried to care for myself in the best ways I knew how. I went to physical therapy, I went to specialist after specialist to try and figure out the puzzle that is my body, I went to a psychologist and psychiatrist and started working on my PTSD. I thought I was starting to get things under control. This is hilarious because that's right when Quarantine hit. Literally, right as I was hoping to rejoin society, society said "no, thanks though."

For the last year, I have felt more lost than I ever have in my life. I am 29 and feel like a directionless loser. All the things that used to be dreams to me have been systematically crushed over the years. Things like wanting to be a comedian and an FBI profiler. Years of dedication only to be turned away for things out of my control. This past year has been nothing BUT out of my control. This is something I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to. Feeling out of control is terrible, it's one of my least favorite feelings and I have never had to deal with more of it. 

During quarantine time has never gone slower or faster simutaneously. I feel like I'm losing so much of my life and I'm going to wake up in my thirties with nothing to show for it. I have things on the horizon, hopes and maybe even a potential dream or two but for now it's hard to not feel like a loser.